The Houston Texans could not have suffered worse misfortune this season if they had drafted and started Robbie Rist and also charged him with double-duty as Head Chef and Traveling Secretary.
Rist played the bumbling, stumbling, blonde bowl-cut bad luck cousin Oliver who visited the Brady Bunch, and he would have nothing on whoever or whatever is responsible for the mishaps bestowed upon the Texans this year. They fumble away opportunities for late-game heroics and instead wind up on the wrong end of a Hail Mary in Jacksonville; In the New Meadowlands versus the Jets they snatch defeat from the jaws of victory by allowing a length-of-the-field game-winning touchdown drive in the waning seconds after with First and Goal they ended up settling for what would turn out to be only a temporary "go-ahead" field goal just moments earlier.
I’m not even mentioning the beat-downs they took at home at the hands of the Cowboys, Giants, and Chargers…or their lackluster play on the road in Indy or Philly. Because even with those losses, the Texans could still be sitting alone atop the AFC-South with a record of 7 – 5 ahead of what would be the tied-for-second Colts and Jaguars at 6 – 6. No, I speak only of the insufferable and inexplicable bad luck they and their fans have been forced to endure.
With next week's hosting of Monday Night Football against Ray Lewis and league bully Baltimore Ravens, there’s no time to waste when it comes to exorcising from the organization its unbelievably bad luck. The Texans need someone who is good at handling this kind of, well, "junk”. And from what I’ve heard lately, if it’s “junk” you want handled, call in the TSA security experts from Bush Intercontinental and Hobby Airport to sweep the facility of what’s currently ailing the home team.
It must be some sort of bad luck hex, or maybe even an evil object. You know, like the ancient Tiki Idol discovered on the beach by Greg Brady while on vacation in Hawaii.
I’ll bet you Alice could find it!