Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Random Thoughts

Before we have to take steps to try to prevent Tom Coughlin and the New York Giants from “going David Tyree” on Victor Cruz, you know…cutting the player making the most sensational, athletic, game-changing receptions of the game…

Can we talk about Eli’s Dome going Sno-Cone Syrup Topping Dispenser! "All I got is Red, kid. No, no lime…no I DON’T have pineapple, I got RED!”


I thought Saw VII was already in the can for release next month. Gor-Y! I’m guessing he’ll be rocking that scar tissue getting re-opened every weekend for the rest of his NFL career!

Back to Cruz…he did more for Darelle Revis’ cause than Neil Schwartz and Jon Feinsod ever could. I realize he did it against the twos and threes, but perception is reality: They’re vulnerable to passing attack down the edges and need their shut down corner. Period.

Looks like the Jersey Shore kids are going to have to invite to live with them the newest trash fascination that is Bo Wyble and Sara Saco Vertiz…the couple from the Astros Game where she was hit by a foul ball from which he failed to protect her.

Now I’m told we can expect more sordid, salacious details of their relationship:
Ecstasy Parties, Nude Pictures, “Getting Down” on video…

Snookie, baby, Your Crew’s got nothing on these two! “That’s one foul ball…That’s one foul ball, Kid! That’s one foul ball!”

Hey, Francisco Rodriguez,

You DO know, don't you, that the "K" in K-Rod is supposed to stand for the number of "K"s you rack up against opposing batters...right?

It DOES NOT stand for the "K" in "TKO" for knocking out your kids’ grandfather following a tough home-loss to the Rockies!

Do you see Francisco working? After his two-game suspension without pay, he rejoined the team on Saturday and pitched against the Phillies…Without having first reported that his hand was injured prior to taking the bump. I think it may be more difficult for the Mets to claim the injury was non-baseball related than they might immediately and reasonably think.

Did you catch the act of Larry Legend’s Pacers’ first round draft choice Lance Stephenson?

Pushes his girlfriend down a flight of stairs when she comes home late from partying, bashes her head in the stairs…and the Judge releases him with no Bail?

Who’s the Judge…Lawrence Phillips?

What’s the Judge's next act, failing to pick up a blitzing linebacker to end the career of an NFL hall of fame Quarterback?

First, we had LeBron dunking after freight-training on a fast-break against 6 year olds...

Now, Dwayne Wade is sending toddlers' "tear drops" in the paint to the other end of the court.

HU-HU, HU...HU-mil-i-a-ting...for him, that is. THAT's the memory you're going to leave that kid with?

That would be like Jerry Jones instead of giving a child a 1-Day contract for the Cowboys...instead leaving a "Sharpie"-diagramed explanation of why he was "cut" from the team on a linen tablecloth.

What's getting more tired...?

The NBA All-Star Weekend Slam Dunk Contest...or football players that think they can pull off the athleticism in cleats, pads, and helmet who fail miserably.

Did you catch that FAIL by Ravens' lineman Joe Reitz (Western Michigan University). I'm half-thinking Troy Smith (Ohio State) told him to do it just to make ANYone from Michigan look bad.

Did you catch the act of Matt Barnes, recent acquisition of the Los Angeles Lakers?

I don't know which of the following three things is most embarrassing:

1. That he was playing for a Summer Recreational League Team that "self-glossed" themselves Dream Team,

2. That he went "Man's Game, Bitch!" against opponent Gold Rush's assistant coach Rick Lewis when he slapped him for mouthing off, or

3. That he gave himself credit for regaining his composure, because after all..."We Won a Championship!"

Matt, you're joining one of professional sports' most storied franchises. They win REAL championships...WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS!

"Hey, Kobe, nice little run you've had, but check out this sweet championship jewelry!"

You DO know you don't get a ring, right? You DO know that you're not going to have "Mad-Dod Madsen" speaking at the culmination of your victory parade, right? You DO know you’re not going to have a parade, right?

Monday, August 16, 2010

The Problem w/ The Texans

First of all...Yes, I know it was just a pre-season game.

But, when you say the following out loud, it is true, irrefutable, and eerily reminiscent of all too many heart-breaking dynamics of 2009 losses:

The Houston Texans lost by a margin that otherwise would have been overcome had their starting running back not fumbled away the ball at the goal line when he should have been going in for a score.

It just has to stop ! ! ! ! !

Friday, August 6, 2010

The Andre Johnson You Don't Know

You know Andre Johnson is the only wide-receiver along with Jerry Rice to lead the NFL two consecutive seasons, and the only wide-receiver along with Marvin Harrison to lead the NFL two consecutive seasons with greater than 1,500 yards.

You know he's the only wide-receiver to do both. You know he's the NFL's best at what he does. And you now know he's the highest paid, at $10.5 million per year over the next 7 years.

What you may not know is how hard working, grounded, humble, and generous he is. The Houston Texans hosted the Minnesota Vikings with Brett Favre, who had been with the team all of about 5 minutes, for a pre-season Monday Night Football game last August.

All the media were covering the Vikings and Brett after their victory. Long after the commotion, Andre was the only player...the only PERSON left in the Texans locker room. As I entered the home team's lair, I approached Andre not sure of the demeanor with which he would respond.

He had me pull out a chair, sit with him in front of his locker, and after we spoke briefly about the game played, we just talked route-running for 15 minutes. How to get off the line, how to cut, how to separate from the defense, how to find the soft spots in the zone.

As a frustrated football player that loves running routes and still playing football, it was an awesome experience. Andre Johnson makes it very easy to celebrate his success and rewards, and root for great things this season for him and the Houston Texans.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Brett Favre is Not Retired!

The now perennial and practically ceremonial charade by Brett Favre has all the legitimacy of a Third World Presidential Election Victory Parade: We've seen it before, and we ought to have expected it!!!

I spoke to Brett 36 hours after he joined The Vikings last summer, and I asked him, "Brett, what's different now? What is it that you've learned about yourself with this new organization and your teammates, that even as an 18 year veteran, you didn't know a week and a half ago?" He gave a rambling ten-minute answer that rivaled any performance of the soliloquy from Shakespeare's Macbeth, but it also included a very simple, "Well, Mike, I learned that I CAN still play!"

And he was right, he balled all season! So far the most compelling story this Training Camp Season has to offer is Dez Bryant's soap opera evolving from PadGate to a high ankle sprain, T.O hookin' up with C.O., Albert Haynesworth "love spat" with Shanny, the trail left by L.T. in San Diego, and Darrell Revis holding out for more money in New York. Yawn.

You and I NOW know one thing: Brett Favre is not going to allow himself to be supplanted as the daily, ALL DAY, lead story of the NFL the rest of summer, and that as long as this story is reported with phraseology along the lines of "unnamed sources, under condition of anonymity, etc.", and until Brett's backside is on the couch on Kick Off Weekend...