I Come to Bury US Soccer

Friends, Americans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury US Soccer, not to praise it;
The vile taste that sports leaves lives after it,
Their good is oft interred with their clippings and highlights,
So let it be with US Soccer...

The noble broadcasters hath told you US Soccer was ambitious:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath US Soccer answered it
Here, under leave of analysts and the rest,
(For noble broadcasters are honorable men;
So are they all; all honorable men)
Come I to write on US Soccer's funeral...
It was my passion, faithful and just to me:
But broadcasters say it was ambitious;
And broadcasters are honorable men...

It hath brought many youth sports leagues to America,
Whose ransoms did the general coffers fill:
Did this in US Soccer seem ambitious?
When that the smaller, less athletic cried, US Soccer hath wept:
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet broadcasters say it was ambitious;
And broadcasters are honorable men.

You all did see that on the SportsCenter
it was thrice presented a kingly crown,
Which it did thrice refuse: was this ambition?
Yet broadcasters say it was ambitious;
And, sure, they are honorable men.

I speak not to disprove what broadcasters spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love US Soccer once, not without cause,
Capri Suns, or orange slices.
What cause withholds you then to mourn for it?
O judgement! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason...

Bear with me; My heart is in the coffin there with US Soccer,
And I must pause till it come back to me.